Is She Using Me?

Dear Hillie:

My fiancée left me six weeks ago after getting emotionally attached to another man. She is now living with him having been with me for 11 years; I thought we were soul mates and she did also but towards the end she said that she said she had to give it a go with this man. She said she also wanted me in her life and although I tried having no contact with her for a while, I found it hard. She is now texting and emailing me that she loves me more than I will ever know and wants to meet up with me without her new partner knowing. I love her dearly but I am really confused by her behaviour; she says we are soul mates and that in her heart she knows one day we will be back together but she can’t leave this man right now and needs to try to work it through. She tells me lots of things about the new man and says he isn’t like me and it’s just different. I really don’t know what to do for the best. I don’t want her out of my life and would like me and her to work it through. It’s really confusing; is she just using me?

Hillie says:

In a nutshell – yes! Don’t waste any more time and emotion on this very selfish and immature person. She wants it all; she wants to be with her new partner but she also wants you waiting in the wings as her bolthole should things go wrong. She’s cheated on you, she’s now cheating on her present partner and if you ever take her back she’ll cheat on you again. The best thing for you to do is ignore her calls and cut her out of your life. It will be hard at first but your priority must be to keep yourself busy, join as in many activities as you can and make new friends. Time is a great healer and as a single man you will soon be much in demand.