I’m So Insecure!

Dear Hillie:

I have been in a relationship for about eight months and recently things went pear shaped. Her family and I had a big discussion and it turns out that the problem is I’m too insecure. I ask her family stupid questions about the men she sees and it all goes back to her. She feels I don’t trust her but I really do and don’t know why I ask these questions. She’s told me numerous times that she wouldn’t do anything to hurt me and isn’t going anywhere, but my mouth gets the better of me. We talked and decided to have a few weeks break from each other. She is clinically depressed and has been put on anti-depressants. Apparently she wasn’t sleeping; she hasn’t been very well and with me being so insecure it brought her down. I know for a fact that she still loves me, because she emailed me and told me so; she said that although we are on a break we are still together. I just hope she is not punishing me. I have been told to just give her time, and when she is ready she will want to see me. I guess my biggest fear is that I will never find anyone else if we were to break up as I am not the best looking bloke in the world and past experiences have left me once bitten twice shy. I don’t know what more I can do, but give her time I suppose.

Hillie says:

Please believe in yourself and trust your instincts. There has to be a reason why you started to feel insecure about your relationship. Were you told something about these men and had she been spending more time with them? Had her behaviour or attitude suddenly changed? In any relationship we have a duty towards our partner in our actions and words, not to make them feel suspicious or insecure. You did the right thing to talk to her about the way you feel and in future don’t involve her family again. If there is nothing going on and she truly cares for you, she will do everything she can to help you trust her. If things don’t work out you will find someone else. Your girlfriend found you attractive and there will be many other girls who will also be attracted to you. Film star good looks are not everything; women go for character, a sense of humour, and someone who is dependable, loving and caring; you just need to build up your self esteem. Write down all your achievements and plus points and learn to appreciate them. If you can’t like and admire yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? It is a fact that there are many more single women around than men and you will be in demand. Begin to think about yourself and your own needs. Go out as much as possible and see friends but don’t talk about your girlfriend. Join in new activities such as a sports club or evening classes and try to make new friends. There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to spend time with people who appreciate you for who you are and with whom you can have some fun. Once you become independent and start to enjoy yourself you may not want your girlfriend back!