Maintaining the Relationship

Five aspects to consider in keeping your relationship going

  • Romance
  • Communication
  • Staying friends
  • Boredom
  • Attraction to others

If love makes the world go round, then it could be said that romance lubricates the bearings, and in my opinion you can never have too much of it! Romance can be any little act that surprises, delights, titillates and makes the other person feel good. A romantic act does not have to be an extravagant gesture such as whisking your loved one away for an unexpected Valentines night dinner in Paris. It can be a simple gesture such as: a gift of a single rose; a phone call to say ‘I love you’; a candlelit dinner at home; cuddling up in front of a log fire on a winter’s night; ‘holding hands at midnight under a starry sky’ to make your loved one feel special.

It is important to make regular payments into your emotional bank account. By this I mean instead of once a year maybe giving a red rose, going out for a romantic dinner for two, or saying ‘I love you’, you should frequently do romantic deeds which will always keep the emotional bank account topped up and in credit.

It is vital to constantly communicate with each other, talking through the good times, the problems and the worries. To do this you need to make an effort to spend time together. Nowadays there is so much to occupy our time such as: working to make ends meet; looking after a family or pursuing a hobby, that we sometimes lose track of our priorities and neglect our partner. It is essential to make time for each other to avoid drifting apart.

Communication by touch is also an essential element of any relationship. Sometimes a reassuring arm around the shoulder or a kiss can speak more than a thousand words.

Remember that your relationship should never stand still or be taken for granted. Strive to improve it at all times through the learning process of communication, negotiation and compromise. Maybe every few months sit down together and discuss how to re-evaluate your relationship. Set new guide lines because not only is life around us constantly changing, we are too. 

Staying friends
It is difficult to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with your partner unless there is a deep, underlying friendship between you. 

Good friends like and trust each other, treat one another in a courteous way and respect the other’s feelings. They respect each other’s individuality, do not take liberties with them and allow them to be their own person whether or not their views coincide with their own. Being friends with someone is being able to say sorry when you are in the wrong, being able to wait for your friend to say sorry to you and accepting that apology with good grace. Genuine friends will listen to each other’s aims and aspirations, praise, support, encourage them, and pick them up if things go wrong. Friends like making each other happy, and having fun and laughs together. They will try to think of ways to please their friend and try to avoid undermining the other’s confidence with unhealthy criticisms. Finally, friends are a united team who will stand by each other whatever circumstances may try to dictate. 

Boredom is debilitating and unhealthy and it is important to keep any relationship exciting and interesting, trying not to fall into boring routine habits. Anything can become boring if it becomes a routine habit, even buying your partner a bunch of flowers each week can lose its novelty value. Try to think of new things to do and please – variety is the spice of life. Someone once told me that boring people get bored. People who are not boring would never allow themselves the self-indulgence of getting bored. They will always find something to do to amuse themselves or others.

Be original in your thinking and don’t expect your partner to provide all the inspiration. If you hear your partner mention that there is a particular film or show they would like to see, present them with surprise tickets one evening. Arrange a weekend away to somewhere they have always wanted to visit, suggest learning a new sport or dance together, suggest some home improvements which you could tackle together such as decorating. Try to keep interesting projects on the go, keep abreast of the news, maintain individual interests such as your work or a hobby as well as sharing activities together and you will always have lots to talk about. Try to avoid being like many couples who sit together in silence in a restaurant, seemingly having nothing left to say to each other except pleasantries such as, ‘What would you like for your main course?’ 

Keep your sense of humour and try to see the ridiculous and absurd in almost any situation and have a laugh together. Keeping your partner amused will make them feel good and hopefully keep depressing boredom at bay.

Keep your sex life stimulating and exciting and don’t fall into boring routines. Surprise your lover with ingenuity such as making love in unusual places, anywhere so long as it’s not too uncomfortable, will do! Make love in the shower, in the bath, on the stairs, under the stars, by candlelight, in front of a log fire on a winter’s night. Read a few books on the subject or watch films that you find erotic and sexy if you run out of ideas. Try to keep your passion as spontaneous and alive as when you first lusted after each other.

 Attraction to others
Be satisfied with what you have and never jeopardise it for the sake of a fleeting fling. A good relationship is priceless and worthy of a lot of effort to keep it in good shape. The grass doesn’t usually turn out to be any greener if you stray, and you run the risk of losing something very precious. Try not to put yourself in the way of temptation by going on holiday or to a party on your own. There will always be predatory, unattached people around who would delight in stealing you away from your happy relationship. Look at others when you are with your partner and thank your lucky stars you have each other.