My boyfriend wants a child

Dear Hillie

I’m 34, my boyfriend is 35 and we have been together for almost 2 years. I love him very much however he wants children and I don’t. We have always said how we felt from the very beginning, but he thought I would change my mind. He says he will leave if I don’t have children because it will eventually cause a rift between us. I am upset that he would sacrifice me for a person who doesn’t even exist yet. Having a child is such a serious thing I couldn’t do it unless I was absolutely sure – but everyone keeps telling me I’ll feel differently once I’m pregnant. What if I don’t? I love my nephews and nieces but that is enough for me. I basically see motherhood as one long drudge, a huge responsibility for very little in return except worry, sleepless nights and loss of freedom. Am I mad or selfish like people are telling me? Isn’t it selfish to try to make me do something that I really don’t want to do? Please help! It’s decision time!

Hillie says:

Don’t even entertain the idea of having a child you might resent at a later date unless you really want one. Don’t think that at the age of 34 time is running out for you. You may well get maternal feelings in a few years time and although more careful monitoring is required, many women have their first child in their forties. Don’t feel guilty if you decide to remain childless but you must respect your boyfriend’s needs as well. It would better for you both to part now to give him freedom to find someone else who shares his same dream and you the chance to meet someone who loves you just for yourself.

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