I’m in love with a married woman

Dear Hillie

I am in love with an unhappily married woman who, although she admits she fancies me and gave me a Valentine’s card saying she ‘had the hots for me’, feels morally committed to her husband. I’m divorced but want a long-term relationship. I would love to make her and her two children happy. How can I win her? She’s never been unfaithful but we meet for lunch two or three times a week and speak on the phone almost every day. I love her very much. Please advise.

Hillie says:

If you really love her and have her best interests at heart, you should break contact with her. As long as she has you to occupy her thoughts, to look forward to meeting and speaking to each day, she will remain in limbo. Give her space to sort out her marital problems, but let her know that should she eventually decide that her marriage is over you could be around to help pick up the pieces. In the meantime try to change your life in a positive way. Develop new hobbies and interests, join group activities and make new friends. Once your life becomes busy and fun you will have little time to grieve over this unrewarding relationship.

Comments (4)

I am madly in love with a married woman of whom I work with, it all started last year when I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years and she was going through a rocky patch with her husband of 3 years (10 yrs in total). After a few months of being friends and getting to know each other, I told her how I felt, she told me she had no idea and only saw me as a friend, I then told her I would rather have her as a friend than not at all.
Over the next few days and weeks, we would speak a lot, via text, calls met for a drink once also, I then asked her would she give me a chance if she left him (at this point she was going to leave him, so she said), she said she would “probably consider it”. We havent spoken properly for a while now as she is working on her marriage. I am in a situation of where I cannot move on.

Amar  May 2nd, 2010 at 11:38 AM

Hi Amar,
You told this lady that you “would rather have her as a friend than not at all” but a few weeks later you put her on the spot again when you asked her “would she give me a chance if she left him”! She wants a ‘friend’ and that is why you haven’t heard from her. If she had romantic feelings for you I feel she would have given you clear positive indications by now instead of the contrary. She is working on her marriage and now you have to move on and not contact her anymore for both your sakes.

hilliemarshall  May 17th, 2010 at 5:09 PM

I don’t usually respond to posts but I will in this case. Truly a big thumbs up!

Tracey  July 27th, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Thank you
Best wishes

hilliemarshall  October 25th, 2010 at 10:51 PM

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