How to make contact

If you want someone to approach you, be approachable and easy to talk to. If you are a fun, relaxed and caring person and you are happy with yourself and your lot in life then people, almost certainly, will be drawn to you like a magnet.

Here are five ways for you to make contact

  • Friends
  • Smiling
  • Eyes
  • Writing
  • Collision


If you have the advantage of knowing a mutual friend you can get them to introduce you. Most people, especially women, will feel more comfortable and relaxed when they are approached by someone who has been vetted rather than by a complete stranger. If you can establish any link between yourself and the person you wish to know, it is worth its weight in gold.


If you are not fortunate enough to be introduced by someone else, sometimes the simplest and easiest way to make contact is just to smile. Few people can resist a genuine friendly smile and it usually results in a friendly smile back. Your smile has let them know that you are interested and find them attractive, and you will be able to tell by the way they smile back at you whether they are returning the compliment. If their smile is brief showing no emotion and they immediately look elsewhere, you would be better off to turn your attentions elsewhere. However, if their smile is brief but they blush, look coy or embarrassed, or if they return a beaming I’m so pleased you like me too smile, you could be on a winning ticket.


Eye contact is a powerful way of getting someone’s attention, especially the five second gaze and smile. The reaction is usually instantaneous and they may well approach you. If it results in a glare you’ve lost nothing except for five seconds of your time.


Sometimes if you feel too shy to make a physical approach, it is easier to put your interest in writing. Many a romance has started via e-mail. Whatever you decide to write keep it short, light-hearted and amusing. A note that brings a smile to the face will be far more likely to bring results than a heavy, deep or slushy one. If you feel so inclined you could write a love poem. Robert Browning and other famous poets certainly achieved their objectives in this way, and you might even consider copying some of their poetry. However, a stupid ditty like:        

Roses are red,
And so is your car,
Let’s meet for a drink,
And we could go far!

might serve equally well!


A friend of mine was so desperate to make contact with a man she fancied from afar, that she literally lay in wait for him one evening after work. She waited for him to come out of his office then ran towards him, clutching a bag of shopping and her briefcase, as if she were running to catch her bus or train and accidentally bumped into him. Of course the shopping went flying, bottles were broken, papers were flung out of her briefcase and he was mortified he had caused such a disaster. He insisted on helping her to clear things up and asked her out for a drink to make amends. This was a somewhat desperate plan on her behalf, but however one which worked. In fact bumping into someone, whether it be with your trolley in the supermarket or falling over their feet on the dance floor, will always produce a result – hopefully (if you manage it the right way) a good one.

What do you say?

Having made contact you need to open up a conversation and there is no point in agonising over what you should say – anything will do, even hello will do to get the dialogue going. Imagine that the other person is more nervous than you are, and try to put them at their ease. A word of warning here – if you feel you need an alcoholic to give you Dutch courage then have one, but only have just enough to loosen your inhibitions. Few people like to be chatted up by someone who has had one too many. If you feel you need chat-up lines to get you going make sure they are simple, or outrageous enough to make him/her laugh. However, be warned, contrived chat up lines are more likely to make the recipient cringe than open up to your advance.

Sample chat-up lines

  • Let’s skip the awkward beginning and pretend we’ve known each other for a while. So how’s your Mum?
  • Are your legs tired? You’ve been running through my mind all day.
  • Hi. I’m on a computer date tonight but the computer hasn’t shown up. Would you like to join me instead?
  • Please talk to me so that girl/man over there will leave me alone.
  • You probably think that I’m mad coming up to you like this, but I have this strange urge to buy you a drink.
  • Nobody I know can tell me who you are, but I’m sure I’ve seen you before.
  • My friends said that you would definitely turn me down if I asked you for a drink. Help me prove them wrong?
  • Can I help you with that? (Heavy shopping etc.)
  • Could you help me with this please? (Heavy shopping etc.)        

However, sometimes it’s not what you say but the way that you say it. For example at one of my Dinner Dates dinner parties, a female guest was approached by the waiter who said ‘Horseradish, madam?’ in such a sexy voice that she was completely hooked. She had eyes for no one except this man all night and I gather they are living blissfully together now!

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